Here’s The Pirates Gay Porn Trailer, With Diego Sans Fucking Johnny Rapid

Posted May 25, 2017 by with 57 comments

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After a long absence, Johnny Rapid returns to gay porn tomorrow, and he’s doing it in a big way: Bottoming for Diego Sans in Men.com’s stunning gay porn parody of Pirates.

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As you can see, the cinematography, sets (that looks like a real ship, obviously in a real ocean), filming, costumes, choreography (there are sword fights!), and acting (Johnny Rapid has what sounds like a British accent!?) is all extremely well done, and all the hard work from the cast and crew has paid off.

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Remind me to update Johnny Rapid’s countdown to 200 cocks list—after all these years he finally got to enjoy Diego.

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Trailer (watch full scene here):

[Men.com’s Pirates: Diego Sans Fucks Johnny Rapid]

 

  • FieldMedic

    The production work is all there, it’s just a shame that all this hard work went into producing immemorable sex scenes if we’re to go off of the first one given.

    • V1

      Yeah, the scene looks great and the production values are top-notch but the actual sex was a yawner. The obvious condom also spoils the pirate fantasy a bit – the least they could have done was used an ultra-sheer so that it was less noticeable.

  • Qiao

    Trash and trash

  • sxg

    Damn the year isn’t halfway done and there are already two strong contenders for next year’s Best picture for the Str8ies! Or is it Str8ys? But judging by this trailer, Heaven and Hell is far more superior than this. I’ve never seen Diego’s thrusting so fucking weak it’s rather embarrassing!

    Marc Macnamara needs to be careful that he doesn’t sacrifice the sex over production values. Remember you’re selling porn, not a blockbuster film. I always hated how the To The Last Man series from Raging Stallion, as well as Grunts, won Best film when the sex was so fucking weak. The best scene out of all that To The Last Man mess was Damien Crosse’s solo where he rides a jack daniels bottle.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/557cc5f9f6309e7a9e576c3f48331d03c05438e1866d8dc6a08860c795ae0893.jpg

    • Mike Julius

      Damien <3 How long has he been going? And he's still top shelf!

      • nick

        I agree, in his latest stuff at StagHomme he still looks gorgeous.

        • sxg

          Yea but a major turnoff that I have with him is his lack of attention on his lower body. He didn’t have much ass at the start of his career, and now he has considerably less. And his scrawny legs do not match with his massive arms. She needs to put some leg days in her schedule!

          • johnn

            but….he ALWAYS swallows !

          • sxg

            Uh, no he doesn’t. He’ll let it fester in his mouth long emough for you not to notice that he slowly pushes it all out of his mouth.

          • nick

            his legs and ass look fine to me

  • Donald Horn

    Johnny looks good being bent over and fucked. When is his all black dude gangbang coming?

    • Dreadmau5

      are those still a thing?

      • sxg

        If they aren’t then they should be!

        • Dreadmau5

          Really? I always found it weird that an all black gangbang was a sort of rite of passage for porn stars. It always made me cringe…

          • johnn

            johnny? when you scheduling your all blk gb

          • sxg

            Rite of passage for who? White people? Lol you realize that 99.9 %, if not more than that, don’t ever star in a black gangbang? Hell the majority of the biggest names in porn have never, and will never do a scene with one black man. THAT fact should be making you cringe, NOT an all black gangbang.

          • Dreadmau5

            The fact that I’m black and people over fetishise me and my race to see us as an accomplishment i.e BBC makes me cringe. I can’t even begin to explain how weird it is to have people be turned on purely because I’m black. So to see an seemingly endless amount of videos of exclusively black on white gangbangs with the words “thugs” or good forbid “n****rs” in them…it’s really disturbing. When I said “are those still a thing?” It wasn’t out of eager curiosity, it was out of fear of them still happening

          • Hunter O’Porn

            Probably comes from the same people that like cuckhold porn of that type. A bunch of racists with repressed feelings.

  • Zealot

    Johnny is grimacing so in these gifs….leads one to wonder…have we seen a gay porn miracle and his anal cavity became “virginal” (“virgin-like”, “virgin adjacent”?) again during his hiatus; or has he had some kind of ground-breaking anal tightening surgery? I guess we really need Diego to chime in and let us know how pronounced tight the bite was.

    This comment sponsored by the Friends of Antonio Miracle, who remind us, he’s the ONLY true MIRACLE in gay porn. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/323b4e4dff5016decb138625f8c608ac2f9825f444ba2a11aeb9310114e5c126.jpg

    • Dulcis Memoria

      He’s a reconstituted virgin!

    • Who what where when how…

      yeah, until he started posting support for Marine LePen on his facebook page, obviously a proto-fascist…

      • McM.

        Who was posting in support of LePen?

        Johnny Rapid or Antonio Miracle?

        • Who what where when how…

          Antonio Miracle, I seriously doubt Johnny Hillbilly would have a clue…

          • John

            Thank God, that would have been a boner killer if it was Johnny…love em dumb cute and with hairy cracks…

          • Who what where when how…

            grow tf up mary…

          • John

            Huh?

  • Xzamilloh

    Diego Sans need to bottom again… Topher Dimaggio being “Top Only” is excruciating enough without MEN trying to make Diego a “Sans Bottom”

    • Drakken

      Diego Sans Bottom made me snort real loud. And I agree, I really preffered him as a bottom.

  • Dulcis Memoria
  • Dreadmau5

    Can we get Diego and Paddy to flip fuck? I’d actually pay to see that.
    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/462b42b104ecc701a334102307c4fbf59fdbc83200c4ef926d178eb30d08a23a.gif

  • RBLover

    Looks like I’m in the minority here…all these beautifully produced porn parodies look amazing but they are all bone-killers for me. I don’t want my beautiful bods acting…in fact, don’t even want to hear them speak. Just want to see them bang. Actually couldn’t even finish the trailer. That said, anybody know where they filmed? Looks pretty.

    • Dulcis Memoria

      Agreed.

      • johnn

        agree too…. for my tastes the titan “man play” series few years ago always got me hot. all sex. a bunch of hot fuckers walk out and get to it ..drives me crazy. btw any suggestions for stuff like that today?……

  • Scrapple

    Why do I get the feeling Diego is going to be the weak link in this production?

    It appears they really went all out with this. It reminds me of that Pirates movie the straight side did years ago. I think Janine was in it. The sex scenes probably won’t be as memorable as the cinematography, but at least they’re stepping outside the motel sex and borderline incestual intergenerational lanes.

  • Jose

    So predictable. So boring.

  • Mike Julius

    Not so much that it’s unfashionable. More that people gloss over the fact hat he tried to have sex with a barely post pubescent girl and then beat his girlfriend when she wouldn’t help him make that happen because he gets their dicks hard.

    • Dazzer

      The thing is that he’s not been charged with that crime – yet.

      I’m not glossing over anything.

      If he’d been charged and convicted of a crime, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation, You’d be absolutely right/correct/even-more-superb-than-are-generally.

      But that’s not the case at the moment. If the facts change, you can smack me round the head.

      I’m just talking about what we know at the moment.

      • Mike Julius

        Just because he wasn’t charged doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. Actually, isn’t it because the girlfriend now refuses to cooperate? That’s just from what I recall. That she was in the police report but refused to take it further afterward like the battered often do. That he hasn’t been charged doesn’t mean anything beyond highlighting a system failure.

        • Dazzer

          I hate having this debate with you because you’re one of the great people on this site.

          I know the facts – and the facts you’ve repeated are correct as far as I know.

          I just don’t want to fall into the trap of convicting someone before those facts have even been tried in court.

          I know I’m being obnoxious here – also, you’re probably correct.

          It just makes me queasy to try someone in the court of public opinion rather than subject the facts to a forensic examination.

          • Mike Julius

            If I’m recalling it incorrectly, please let me know, but that’s from memory, a faulty thing admittedly.

          • Mike Julius

            (my other comment is awaiting moderation because of a link) Btw, you’re not being obnoxious; you’re being judicious, which is admirable.

          • Maximus

            I have to agree with Mike. The disposition of a criminal court case or whether prosecution occurred at all aren’t reliable indicators of the extent and quality of the evidence against the individual. Just because a determination of guilt is extra-judicial doesn’t mean that it’s not based in logic and substantial evidence. Of course, the state can’t take action against an accused individual based upon extra-judicial fact finding, but other citizens have the right to come to their own conclusions and take private social action—e.g., denunciation, exclusion from social circles—against the accused.

          • Dazzer

            Ugh.

            The logic of what you and Mike are saying is inescapable. I don’t really have an argument against you.

            For me, it comes down to that weasel-word “queasy”. And I’m the one who’s queasy – not you or Mike.

            Instinctively and emotionally I agree with both of you. but there is a lingering doubt in the back of my mind that just says we have to put all the facts under a microscope and examine them.

            I’m sorry to you and Mike that I’m being such a prick about this. It’s just – for me – that the other shoe hasn’t dropped. There’s something missing in the narrative – but, for the life of me, I couldn’t tell you what it is.

            i’m probably being an idiot about this – and I give you and Mike full permission to give me a good kicking about it in later life. But for me it comes down to “feelz” – one of the weakest arguments on the internet and in real life.

            There’s something missing in the narrative. I don’t know what it is or where it should be – but it’s not there.

            Like I said, it’s “feelz” – and I despise myself for even using this argument. But something here isn’t right.

            If I’m proven wrong, I apologise unreservedly to you and Mike. Both of you are superbly incisive thinkers. Both of you would have to walk leagues before you even found a signpost to Stupidville.

            But – for me – something is missing.

          • Maximus

            Some cognitive psychologists argue that intuition, i.e., “gut feelings,” actually reflect the products of unconscious mental heuristics that are based on past experience or training. You are/were a journalist, correct? If your work has entailed investigative practices, then your “feelz” might actually possess some probative value. Unfortunately, that information isn’t sufficient to override my misanthropy, and thus my belief regarding the veracity of the allegations against Little Miss Cavernous Anus remains unchanged.

          • Dazzer

            You’re not a misanthropist. You’re just – unlike Pinocchio – a flying brick who was a real boy since birth.

          • Maximus
  • DPS

    Visually speaking this looks good based on the trailer. Alas, this is MEN

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/ad3a1eb0322a480770638c96daeb0b72805ce6cccdaecb75204fa7e1f054c609.gif

    • Dazzer

      Here’s a thing about Colin Farrell.

      He’s not gay, but his brother is – and he loves his brother and everything that goes with it.

      As a result, you can flirt like fuck with Colin Farrell. It’s never going to go anywhere, but the flirting is the best you’ll ever have. He’s straight, but he has zero problems with other men finding him attractive.

      I’ve interviewed him twice. He’s absolutely magnificent. He’s one of those people we need to cherish.

      He might be straight, but he’s one of those people we need to love

  • jimboivyo

    One thing is clear. CockyBoys is setting the bar for production values very high. But unlike Men, they follow through with the sex too.

  • perigrine

    Are we to assume that the title “Butt Pirates” was taken?

  • Hunter O’Porn

    Since Johnny Rapid likes blood during sex when will someone fuckin him until he bleeds?

  • Paul J

    If Johnny does have some acting skills, why can’t he act as if he’s enjoying being fucked up the butt? Gritted teeth and grimacing do nothing for me.

  • Jason

    Johnny is looking good here.

  • Joleil Ashwind

    They’re after me Lucky Charms!!

    Wait…

  • 0NeedHelp

    who pays to see this? it’s just lame…

  • emercycrite

    Over Diego.

  • John

    Johnny’s Back, the porn world just got a little brighter…..hopefully he’s in every scene and I agree this was very well done even though I couldn’t understand a word Diego said….dont ever make us wait this long for a Johnny scene again. love that hairy crack and squeaky voice of his