Ryan Rose Addresses 2013 Arrest: “I Almost Committed Suicide”

Posted October 28, 2014 by with 35 comments

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It happened nearly two years ago, but Ryan Rose’s critics continue to bring up his 2013 arrest for brutally attacking his (now ex) boyfriend Bobby Hart at the Phoenix Forum. For the first time, Rose is addressing the incident at length, and reveals that he nearly committed suicide after the arrest. The entire post is on his Tumblr, but here are key excerpts (I’m leaving the grammar, Twitter symbols, etc. alone):

Shortly after signing with FalconStudios.com I totally fucked up. Actually fucked up is a huge understatement. I let alcohol, drugs, and my emotions get the best of me and I physically assaulted my boyfriend at the time @BobbyHartXXX leading to my arrest. Needless to say that was the last time I ever saw bobby. Upon my release from jail I went through a deep depression almost committing suicide. If it hadn’t been for my best friends @CoolTomPix, @FabScoutHoward, @GioCaruso, and believe it or not @FabScoutMatt I would have went straight to my San Diego apartment and drank drano till either I was about to pass out or till I couldn’t take the pain anymore when then I would have taken my 357 magnum snub nose and painted my walls with my brain. I’m not looking for pity or attention from this part the reason this is a little graphic is because this is what I had visioned in my head and what I was going to carry out. Reluctantly I didn’t go through with it.

I tucked my tail between my legs, picked up what was left of my broken heart, I couldn’t even find my pride or self esteem as I packed all I could in my truck and went back to Florida where my support (family) was waiting for me. I hid from the world for a few weeks and awaited for what I thought was going to be calls not only from attorneys and detectives but career ending calls from FabScout.com as well as FalconStudios.com. Saying the least all the legal stuff worked out and the career ending calls turned out to be calls of disappointment but still support provided I sought out help and promised to learn from my horrible mistakes never to repeat them ever. Shocked, I vowed I would never let myself raise my fists in rage, nor let down those who supported me probably when they wouldn’t have.

[…] I did it no one else. It’s my fault. I did the crime I did the time. I’m hiding nothing. But everyone knows the ugly truth and I struggle with this everyday. Everyday someone brings it up and everyday I own it. I try very hard to show people who I really am and how I have become but that incident shall always haunt me as I’m sure it does bobby too and bobby for that I will always be sorry so very sorry.

For what it’s worth, I do think Ryan Rose has changed and learned from his inexcusable mistake—and I was someone who was highly critical of him after the arrest. I take him at his word today, and hope that he keeps it.

  • I’m hoping the best for Mr Rose, everyone goes through something in there lives and we shouldn’t keep reminding them of their past, or mistakes continuously and let them and us move forward.

  • sxg

    If we judge him based on his twitter, he hasn’t changed much. But no one has come out and publicly said he’s a horrible person ever since that incident. I think what would help him is to stay away from social media, or limit his use of it. He should ignore what anyone says about him so he doesn’t have to response. It’s when he responds is when he’s at his most douchebaggy. But it’s tough, as social media is a huge part of porn now.

    • A.C.

      I enjoy Ryan Rose, the person, in as much as I know him from social media, and that is why it pains me to agree with you. His response to his detractors is often disproportionate to the slight and there also seems to be a level of anger in a number of those posts that make me wonder how well he is able to control that emotion. It is clear that whatever triggers those outburst needs to be resolved for there to be any sort of meaningful change, behavior modification alone will not do. Being nice to others and generally a nice guy – something that I believe is true of him – will not insure that what happened in the past will not happen again. Rarely do we find that offenders of any stripe are all bad, there is more complexity and duality to them than their offenses would suggest. It is not impossible to see Ryan Rose as caring, kind, and a “sap”. It is also not impossible to simultaneously see him as the man who hurt his ex-boyfriend and as someone who could do that again. That said, what is life without hope and redemption. I fully encourage his repentant attitude and resolve to do better, I trust that it will continue.

      On a side note, why do people find “hateration” motivation? I would think that the love, affirmation and goodwill of others would be plenty motivating, mutually beneficial, and less taxing than dealing with someone’s misplaced criticism. I understand the idea of turning lemons into lemonade, but hate is far from the proverbial lemon. I have never quite understood the desire to invite haters to hate me just to do better.

    • Tony161956

      “But no one has come out and publicly said he’s a horrible person ever since that incident” Really? You may want to go back and check your past comments. You’ve got a cornucopia of judgmental comments about many people including RR

      • sxg

        I was referring to people he works alongside and for, anyone who has come into physical contact with. Of course I make comments about him but they are only my opinions on him based on his social media presence and whatever blogs post about him.

        • Tony161956

          Nice try

          • sxg

            LOL whatever dude

    • A.C.

      I enjoy Ryan Rose, the person, in as much as I know him from social media, and that is why it pains me to agree with you. His response to his detractors is often disproportionate to the slight and there also
      seems to be a level of anger in a number of those posts that make me wonder how well he is able to control that emotion. It is clear that whatever triggers those outburst needs to be resolved for there to be
      any sort of meaningful change, behavior modification alone will not do. Being nice to others and generally a nice guy – something that I believe is true of him – will not insure that what happened in the past will not happen again. Rarely do we find that offenders of any stripe are all bad, there is more complexity and duality to them than their offenses would suggest. It is not impossible to see Ryan Rose as caring, kind, and a “sap”. It is also not impossible to simultaneously see him as the man who hurt his ex-boyfriend and as someone who could do that again. That said, what is life without hope and redemption. I fully encourage his repentant attitude and resolve to do better, I trust that it will
      continue.

      On a side note, why do people find “hateration” motivation? I would think that the love, affirmation and goodwill of others would be plenty motivating, mutually beneficial, and less taxing
      than dealing with someone’s misplaced criticism. I understand the idea of turning lemons into lemonade, but hate is far from the proverbial lemon. I have never quite understood the desire to invite haters to hate me just to do better.

  • Alan

    Few of us have not done things we later wish we hadn’t and few of us have gone through life without hurting someone else (mentally, emotionally or, as in Ryan’s case, physically). I’ve never assaulted anyone but I still have my share of regrets about things I’ve done in my own life and most of the people I know have their own regrets as well – and, frankly, the people I know who claim to have no regrets are people I don’t much care for…

    I don’t know Ryan personally and likely never will – so I don’t feel he has to justify himself to me or the many others who only know him through his work and social media. Justifying himself to his colleagues, friends, family, and current- and ex-boyfriends is another matter; but that, thankfully, is none of my business and I have little time for the other outsiders who try to make it part of theirs. I wish him well for his future and think he’s right to remember and learn from his past mistakes without obsessively dwelling on them the way some people seem to expect he should.

  • John

    How many gay men have ruined their lives with drugs and alcohol? Also, we think that just because they look like gods that they have healthy self esteems to go with their looks. I don’t think we should pigeon hole this young man and not allow him to redeem himself.

  • J2

    I think people who are smart, insightful and willing to take responsibility have the best possible chance of moving on from these things. Hopeless serial abusers are more likely to be insightless and blame everyone else.

  • This Me

    I hope he keeps his word too.

  • Iain Gardener

    Reading this, I hope everything works out for Ryan and give him props for his honesty, if nothing else his story highlights the deterious effects drugs and alcohol have on our community.

  • Alan Keddie

    The drugs (and alcohol) don’t work they just make you worse but I know I’ll see your face (and ass and cock) again… Love Ry-Ro. Even if his surname is a flower.

  • BLACKjackHAMMER

    I truly hope that Ryan is getting his personal life in check 4 I do not think there is a sole on this earth that never made a mistake I myself have made many but life is not just about the mistake that we have made but rather the lesson that we learn from the mistake that we have made . I know all to well the feeling of despair that Ryan speaks about granted my scenario was not drano and a gun but rather a speeding train . The cause of my despair was not from raising my fist to someone face but rather a string of bad economic news in 2009 from losing my job 2 giving back my new car ( before they repo it ) which I could no longer afford 2 pay for as well as a host of many other financial missteps . I would sit and wait for that speeding train and the voice in my head would simply say JUST JUMP and it would all be over I am just grateful to GOD that my desire to LIVE was far greater than my feeble attempt at death . I wish Ryan well and hope that he and I both continue to find the strength and the courage to survive because at the end of the day if Ryan , myself or anyone else for that matter throws in the towel to that since of despair all that is left is the grief in someone else heart asking that simple question of why did I not do this or why did I not do that when infact they probably did all that they could but it just was not enough ! I do not know where Ryan or even else stands on topic of religion but do know what my faith in GOD has done for me !

    • andrew

      I don’t have any faith in a God, but I’m glad you chose life. You sound like a good guy.

      • BLACKjackHAMMER

        Andrew my FAITH in GOD has bought through a lot of things but Andrew I am not going to debate with you on the topic of FAITH but the one thing that I learned f during my darkest days is that sometimes you need to have FAITH in yourself as well . So I thank Andrew for your vote of confidence and you sound like a great guy as well !

  • n24rc

    Most of this is because they were two gay men working in the sex trade. Someone is going to get hurt. Always.

    • andrew

      NONSENSE!!!

      • n24rc

        a google search proves it.

        • andrew

          The google search “proves” that when you have two gay men working in the “sex trade” someone is going to get hurt. Always. As I correctly said: NONSENSE. There MAY be bad guys working in gay porn. There are bad guys everywhere. I happen to subscribe to SC, CF, Bel Ami and a few others. I think that the majority of the models working for those Gay Porn Studios are good decent guys.

          • n24rc

            Gay porn and monogamy don’t mix, if you are working and dating another performer, your rate of success is low. Good luck if you are.

          • tassojunior

            and straight

    • andrew

      If you have such a low opinion of the gay models working in porn, stop watching it. How can you beat off watching guys you have such a low opinion of?

      • n24rc

        low opinion? NONSENSE.

        It’s called human nature. Jealousy and competitiveness always ruin the relationship.

        • andrew

          If it’s human nature, why did you limit your comment to “two gay men working in the sex trade”? FYI: Most people in relationships are not jealous of or competitive with one another.It appears you not only have a low opinion of gay men but of human nature itself. Negativity seems to permeate your very being.

  • n24rc

    I think Domestic Abuse is a serious issue, but when the two people involve drinking and acting out because they don’t like the others diva attitude…you kinda think of, “birds of a feather…” I think guys like that deserve each other. Keep them out of the dating pool for the rest of our sake.

  • robirob

    Are we sure that’s from Ryan Rose? No misspelled words or bad grammar rape my eyes while reading it and nobody is called a cunt. I repeat: Nobody’s called a cunt!

    • Alan

      Zach provides a link to the whole tumbler post – there’s enough atrocious grammer/spelling and salty language in the entire post to leave one sure who the author is… 😉

  • andrew

    I like Ryan even more now after reading this post. Everyone makes mistakes, even big ones like Ryan made. He clearly recognizes the seriousness of his mistake and is probably becoming a better man. Thanks for your service in the Marines Ryan. Continue making hot gay porn.

  • Pascal

    Awww, you left out the best bit from that tumblr post: “Ask @Str8UpGayPorn I be the first to sit with you an enjoy some 2 dollar nasty strippers”. Buying yourself a new street cred with Zach sure is easy (and cheap!).
    But what I mostly take out of all this: he’s a substance abuser with alcoholic tendencies and a penchant for spouse beating. Yep, there’s no denying Rose is a pure-bred, racist-ass Republican.

  • Trevor

    WTF, why does he have to do this and why are people so fucking critical. People have done far, far worse than Ryan and the only reason hes being attacked so harshly is because of the media. Fuck off everyone, and go get a life/relationship and see if everything is always peaches and sunshine and fucking cookies. You’re gonna have ups and downs like everyone else, honestly. And newsflash, everyone makes mistakes, and the fact that he is so depressed is because of it, is everyone’s fault. Leave him the fuck alone and let him be.

  • Leo

    Ryan Rose-Everyone makes wrong choices that lead to terrible mistakes. None of us can say we are innocent enough to pick up a stone to throw at you or anyone else-we are human. You need to forgive yourself and love yourself. Don’t let anyone try to keep you down because of your mistakes. Nothing is bad enough to end your beautiful life that you have been blessed with. Oh, what waste and loss that would have been to this world. I am thankful that you found your inner strength to continue. I am a big fan of you. Thank you for your art you provide. Man you are Beautiful!!!

  • Aunt Porcus

    aaaaaand….clearly he learned nothing

  • Mark Anthony Vitelli

    Do you need a .357 Magnum when you’re a hooker? Seems like this is more about him wanting you to feel sorry for him, That’s pretty typical of asshats with huge ego’s.