[Updating Live] 2024 U.S. Presidential Election Results

Posted November 5, 2024 by with 35 comments

If you don’t have a TV or access to election coverage anywhere else, or if you simply feel like intermittently looking at gay porn while also checking on the vote tallies in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, feel free to keep refreshing this page as the day/night(week?) goes on. I’ll update with swing state results (and other states where things might be close) and overall electoral college vote totals as they’re announced. The map above is via 270ToWin where you can make your own predictions, and I’m also following the Axios electoral map for live updates. The first polls close at 3pm my time (note all times below are PST), at which point the first votes will be coming in.

11 am: I’ve been feeling good about our chances for the last few months, and I’ve even been predicting a landslide blowout for Harris over the last week. But then, I woke up this morning having a complete panic attack nervous breakdown meltdown, reliving 2016 and remembering how so much misogyny and racism is so baked into this country, it influences millions of dipshit lunatics who are voting today. The Dobbs decision has of course changed everything and could be what saves us, but as of 11:00 a.m., I have no idea what’s going to happen over the next 12 hours.

4 pm: Polls are now closed in Georgia, Florida, Virginia, Vermont and more. They’ve also closed in Kentucky and Indiana, where Harris is over-performing (although the state will still obviously go red). On a side note, Marjorie Taylor Greene won re-election, which is no surprise. On another side note, I need to stop drinking so much f*cking cold brew, which is sending my pre-existing anxiety through the roof.

5:12 pm: With polls now closed in the key “blue wall” swing states, we’ll have an idea of what’s happening within the next 90 minutes or so. Note that I’ve changed the map above to show that Florida has been called for Trump. Yes, I was hopeful (delusional) that Harris might flip it, but that was obviously never going to happen. Georgia and North Carolina are continuing with their counts, with Harris up in NC and Trump up in GA.

5:21 pm: Piss play and trans porn loving psycho Nazi Mark Robinson has lost his bid for governor in North Carolina, as reported above.

6 pm: Thank god, Virginia is being called for Harris, which still looks close, but all the outstanding votes are from reliably Democratic areas.

6:13 pm: Time for lunatic Kari Lake to pack it up (yet again), as she’s lost yet another race in Arizona. Ruben Gallego has won, which is a pick-up for Dems in the U.S. Senate.

6:53 pm: The 7 swing states are still too close with not enough votes counted, but I can report that I feel like I’m gonna throw up.

7:23 pm: Florida continues to be a horrific shithole, as voters there rejected an abortion rights ballot measure.

7:27 pm: Sarah McBride becomes the first trans member of congress, winning the race for Delaware’s sole House seat.

7:43 pm: So much for that Selzer poll. Iowa has been called for Trump. As expected all along, it really is coming down to those god damn seven swing states. There are hundreds of thousands of votes yet to be reported from major population centers (Philadelphia, Atlanta, etc.), so I’ll give it at least another three hours before I pop the Xanax and pass out.

8:40 pm: Harris has to have a blowout and run the table in these last few big cities (Milwaukee, Detroit, Philadelphia) where votes are outstanding in the blue wall states, because North Carolina was just called for Trump, and it looks like Georgia is getting out of reach (added: Georgia was just called for Trump). Joe Biden was at about the same place at this time of the night back in 2020, so it’s not over yet. But, it’s certainly not looking great. That so many tens of millions of people could be so stupid and so deranged to bring back a convicted felon who tried to overthrow the government…it’s a kind of insanity that defies all logic. If he does in fact win, I suppose it’s a fitting end to America, which always has been a joke of a country full of the most brain dead idiots on earth. The counting will likely drag on until early in the morning, so unless anything dramatic happens before then, it’s time for some sleep (maybe for the next four years?)…

10:40 pm: A few outlets have now called Pennsylvania for Trump and declared him the president elect, so it’s over. You have to wonder: What will the cult members do and who will they blame when their precious economy only gets worse after he takes office? Will they care when Putin and Russia take over Ukraine and advance into another European country? What happens when he doesn’t start conducting those mass deportations (which has always been impossible) like he promised? Being brain-washed and delusional is their thing, so I’m sure the cult members will find someone else to blame (AOC, Bernie, Hillary, etc.), even though Republicans will have control of the White House, the Senate, and the House. I guess the only thing we have to look forward to now is if he dies in office, but even that won’t be any fun, considering who his VP is. We are, once again, wholeheartedly fucked. But hey, maybe Biden can launch a comeback and try again in 2028?

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