43 Monkeys Escape From South Carolina Vaccine Research Lab
A few dozen monkeys having god knows what injected into them escaped from a research lab in South Carolina because an employee “failed to secure the door” (the fuck kind of Mr. Magoo shit is this?), and people who live nearby are being told to keep their doors and windows locked. At the same time, the CDC issued the statement above, claiming that the monkeys pose no threat as long as you don’t come into contact with them. Uhhh, OK. The same could be said of leopards, dinosaurs, and Cujo. The lab they escaped from (again, because someone forgot to shut the door!) is called “Alpha Genesis,” which sounds like something out of the Terminator movies, so I’m sure everything will be fine. Via CBS:
