Former NFL Player Sues Ex-Wife For Revealing His Humongous Penis Is The Size Of 3 Coke Cans

Posted January 8, 2026 by Zach with 10 comments

Dude, come on.

You’ll remember this story from a couple months ago. Now, the former football player is suing his ex-wife for making “degrading” statements about his absurdly thick and outrageously long penis. Via TMZ:

Kalil says Haley “implied that the size of Plaintiff’s genitalia was a primary factor in the parties’ divorce and claimed that sexual intercourse with Plaintiff would leave her ‘in tears.’ In that stream … she described it as “two coke cans, maybe even a third” … Matt claims that because of those remarks on the stream, he has been subjected to “unwanted attention and invasive commentary from the public.” On top of that … he claims his family members “have been forced to endure the ongoing public circulation of these degrading and deeply personal statements.”

The 36-year-old is suing for invasion of privacy … as well as unjust enrichment, saying Haley “received substantial financial benefit, increased viewership, increased engagement, and monetization through various social media platforms and media coverage.”