Do Not Steal A Faggot’s Febreze

Posted May 30, 2014 by with 18 comments

No, this isn’t a preview of the next John Waters movie, it’s an actual confrontation in Saginaw, Michigan between a Family Dollar manager and a car full of tragic white trash who got caught stealing a bottle of Febreze. If you want to know what I’ll be watching on a loop all weekend long, this is it. That Family Dollar faggot who is “not the motherfuckin’ one” is my hero. Actually, they’re all my heroes.

I don’t give a fuck! I’m pregnant, too!

  • Lovely

    OMG!!! That is amazing on so many levels. Guurrrllll I will whoop yo ass! It is going down at the Dollar Store. He need a damn raise cuz he is defending that store like he got stock in it. Did he yell Lollipop at the camera? I’m dying

    • sxg

      Sadly he’ll be fired probably. I worked retail for many years, and it sometimes is frustrating when people come in here and steal from your store. As a sales associate, it upset me sometimes because here I am busting my ass in this store where people just come in and think they can take what they want. For a manager though it really ticked them off. A manager leaving their store to pursue a robber is pretty risky, and even if it didn’t escalate to this extent, they would have gotten reprimanded in some way.

      • Lovely

        I’m sure you’re right and he has a valid point. I guess they thought having a child with them would somehow keep them from getting in trouble. I guess it did b/c the cops didn’t come or weren’t called but just at face value this is pure comedy gold.

      • robirob

        Imagine the attention and the heated arguments this clip gets when the guy does get fired or the petty thieves tell their side of the story.

    • McM.

      Ha! He yelled “Whooo! World Star Hiphop!” like he’s expecting the vid to be uploaded to that site, and he’s proud of it.

      • Lovely

        I was way off. lol Tks

  • Zoompietro

    I’m so conflicted watching this. Part of me wants to scream “YAASSS BITCH!” but the other part of me wants to sigh “Oh, honey no…” Both parts are thoroughly entertained though. It’s a shame he might get fired for this because he’s earning that check, shutting doors and snatching stolen wigs in the rain. Probably wasn’t a good idea to post up on old girl when she came out the car though.

    I’d like to know how the pregnant chick’s dress got so wet.

    • Lovely

      He might have been spraying Febreze on her all the way out the store. She looked like she needed it.

    • McM.

      Zach just posted this update:

      You called it @zoompietro:disqus. He got fired.

  • Bee

    Well, he got what he wanted ’cause this vid is now on WorldStar Hip Hop… lolz. The comments are funny as hell…

  • Zealot

    Putting your life on the line for a bottle of Febreze is epic. I just think it’s important to pick your battles. I mean it’s not as if they stole a case of Spam or several bags of pork rinds. Now THAT’S worth cuttin’ a bitch over!

  • GN

    Straight people—As soon as you piss them off, they remember you’re a faggot..

  • white trash welfare mom’s battle the gay guy who probably is not working at family dollar anymore if they have see this video.

  • kevdman

    Bottle of Febreze: one dollar. This video: priceless!

  • sxg
    • Lovely

      You saw that one coming. It’s bullshit tho because if they thought he was just letting shoplifters walk out and not doing anything they would have fired him for that. I hope they go back every day and rob em blind. All the Febreze they can carry!

      • sxg

        Actually no they would not have held him accountable or fired him for that. The best chance of him getting fired for any type of theft is if the amount of theft after their annual inventory (if they actually participate in that) is extremely down. They do take some theft into account, but if it’s a gastronomical number of loss, then something will be done. That’s how retail works.