Kayden Gray: “I Would Like Everyone To Know That I’m HIV Positive”

Posted May 22, 2017 by with 104 comments

kaydengPopular gay porn star Kayden Gray has just posted the below video to his YouTube channel, and in it he comes out as HIV positive. Gray—who has performed for nearly a dozen studios since 2013—goes into details about when he became positive, and why he’s decided to discuss his status openly now.

Gray’s video is both informative and touching, and it ultimately sends a strong message of support for other positive performers in the industry, as well as anyone outside the industry living with the virus. Given the antiquated stigma that still exists around HIV, this was a brave and courageous thing for him to record, and it’s worth viewing in its entirety:

 

 

 

 

Note: Comments on this post are being moderated.

  • Shubear

    Two points.

    1. Good for him for living his truth. I cannot imagine how difficult the decision had to have been for him.
    2. How sad that you have to moderate these comments. People just need to support each other and not worry about the circumstances.

    Thanks for the good work!

  • Trev Nich

    It’s good to be honest and open about things. Part of the reason why HIV keeps spreading is because, due to stigma, people either don’t tell their partner their status, or they just won’t get tested in the first place. People need to also be educated about HIV, specifically on how it can and can not be transmitted, as the myths surrounding it contribute to the stigma. Finally, people need to stop being so judgy. Cutting others down doesn’t make you any taller. Kayden is fine as hell and if you’d pass on him just because he has HIV, that’s your loss. I used to feel the way a lot of people do, with stigma, but I’ve learned a lot about HIV, and so my views have changed now that I’m more informed. Finally, generally speaking, you shouldn’t judge people with HIV because, among the other reasons outlined, you have no idea how they got it. Some contract it at birth from their mother, some get it from a bad blood transfusion, some get it because they have a partner who has been unfaithful. Not that I’m being judgy (just quoting what some ignorant people say), having HIV doesn’t mean you’re a filthy whore having random sex with strangers or some messy drug addict. It also don’t make you a bad person. I don’t want to get HIV, or any other sexually transmitted disease, which is why I’ve made sure I’m informed about how to reduce my risk, but that’s also why I know there is no guarantee.

    • WhimsyCotton

      I’m sorry, but stigma or not, it is 100% your responsibility to inform your partners of your status. That excuse doesn’t fly.

      I agree with you about the judgment part, but I would like to add that people who choose not to be in relationships with positive people also shouldn’t be judged for their decision. It’s not something everyone can deal with.

      • n24rc

        At this point in time, most gay men should assume their partners have it to begin with and take the needed precautions. Notification is irrelevant at that point if you are having casual sex with strangers.

        • WhimsyCotton

          Naturally; however, a decent person would inform the other that they have a life changing STI that they could infect you with. Notification is most definitely VERY relevant.

          • Goodboy

            Darling yes but how is this relative to what Trev said. All he talked about was Stigma and judgement and how we need less of it and your off ranting and raving like a lunatic. Yes we already know all that.

          • WhimsyCotton

            Maybe some reading comprehension issues? Everything I’ve written is relative to what I was replying to.

            Soapbox? Being honest with one’s status isn’t preaching. It’s common sense and courtesy.

          • Pinko of the Grange

            Get off the high horse. Unless Trev edited his post in the last 11 hours, your post, while relevant to the overall topic is a total non sequitur from Trev’s. One can’t comprehend what isn’t there.

          • WhimsyCotton

            Clearly reading comprehension is a difficult concept, so I’ll make it real clear for you.

            “…the reason why HIV keeps spreading is because, due to stigma, people either don’t tell their partner their status…”

            Got it? Now reread my response to him. Keep in mind my response wasn’t directed at him personally. It was directed at his statement of stigma being the reason people don’t disclose their status. My response boiled down to “stigma isn’t an acceptable excuse.”

          • Pinko of the Grange

            You work for the GOP Trump comment parsing dept don’t you?

            Wow any reasonable person would read a layman’s opinion as just that a layman’s opinion and not pick a single connecting word as a fulcrum for the the entire statement to be an grammar fascist. A reasonable person would ask if the OP intended to use an absolute “the” v. a more accurate “the most common, imo,”

            Now please fall of your high horse and drag your broken body to the phone. Call your psychiatrist to re-balance your cock tale because your OCD is making you think you are the King of the Forest, cranky, and unlikable.

          • WhimsyCotton

            But you’re the one that’s upset not me… You’re the one that has an issue with my reply… Not even the OP I replied to had an issue with my reply…

            Perhaps project less and chill more?

          • Pinko of the Grange

            then you need to learn how to create tone in your writing because it comes across as an uptight know-it-all with a 6×6 up its ass.

          • WhimsyCotton

            I would say I come across as extremely light-hearted and chill. I guess different people see things differently. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a5b3a7b1d379e42b98ed5148fb187f63f7797b681a1df578c0453f9386c4cf61.gif

        • DrunkEnough

          I agree. If condoms are being used, then the assumption has already been made that one of you could have something. After all, that’s why you use them.

        • imacboy

          YES!! Nobody wants to take ownership of their actions. They want to be victims and blame someone else. People lie. Why would you put your health at risk from a random stranger at a bathhouse, grindr, etc. Own it and your responsibility to assume everyone is HIV positive and if you bareback, it’s gonna happen.

          • Zealot

            imacboy: You said something very important here about being responsible. We know condoms coupled with PrEp should create a very solid defense against HIV and other STIs (condoms being the operative other part of that strategy to remain healthy as PrEp doesn’t address other forms of sexually-transmitted diseases). If anyone out there isn’t doing both, and they also don’t know their status that’s on them. If their partners aren’t asking about their status, and doing the same in terms of using condoms with PrEp (or without if it’s not available or affordable for those without insurance), then it’s on them for the outcome. So the spread of HIV and other STIs is 100% about taking responsibility. You cannot assume others are being safe and responsible. We can only make sure we are so that we continue to be responsible with our own health. I hate that Kaden is now HIV+ and am glad he’s being open and proactive, etc. But it would also be effective (especially as I’ve seen other comments here that PrEp isn’t provided through insurance in England), to discuss consistent use of condoms, and having meaningful discussions about sex before we just shuck off our clothes and dive in.

      • Trev Nich

        I wasn’t justifying it. I was just saying the stigma is why people don’t state their status.

        • Pinko of the Grange

          Trev near everyone in the world understood. Some just want to make a militaristic point if you don’t state their party line to nth degree.

      • Zealot

        Preach, man! I agree. Too many people don’t want to have those discussions before they’ll just hook up with someone and then don’t understand how they walked away with an STI– including HIV. You were addressing the stigma issue in terms of your response, so for me I saw the connection you were making very clearly. Thanks for your understanding of the issues here. Sex is an easier thing to do than to talk about. But bottom line, if someone you’re going to share your body with isn’t willing to discuss their status, or doesn’t know their status, you proceed at your own risk. I’m 100% with you on this WC!

  • sxg

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t he only done condom-only porn? If so, props to him for having some responsibility in the industry. Unlike all those other assholes with their “not my problem if I infect them” attitude. That includes those who are on prep and still bareback.

    • WhimsyCotton

      Gee, I wonder who you could be referring to.

      • sxg

        I really have no one particular in mind when I said that. Honestly it probably could be a lot of models.

        • McM.

          … and therein lies the problem.

    • Tim

      everyone has their own threshold for risk. I’ll do bb with someone who is undetectable, and am on prep. I just don’t like condoms. I expect some in the industry are the same. I want everyone in every set in porn to be comfortable with who they are and the sex they have, the same as I want everyone in the real world to as well. That is my threshold. Mr. Gray seems uncomfortable with BB because of this, and my thing is “whatever you have to do to have fun and make sure to yourself your partners are too.” though if he started doing BB porn I’d be thrilled, and if I somehow hooked up with him I’d want it that way too.

    • Nate

      I see no problem with that if medicine is taken and viral load is checked on a regular basis and undetectable. Regarding HIV sex with such a person is much more safe than with some presumably negative, though tested some time ago, negative person.
      The Swiss federal health commission has changed their attitude regarding this topics already years ago and you should maybe also. https://smw.ch/resource/jf/journal/file/view/article/smw.2016.14246/smw.2016.14246.pdf/

    • Sam Dixon

      This is a very informative and touching video. I am glad that Kayden Gray brought this issue up.

      For too long there have been too many folks in the gay media stressing the idea that one does not need to further protect themselves because PREP is available. And there has been strong push-back on that idea.

      What I always find disheartening are the guys, the reviewers and commentators who stress that certain scenes or certain actors should bareback. These folks can not wait for certain performers to bareback. Or proclaim that the scene would have been “better” if the actors bareback screwed each other.

      On the one hand there’s the talk that everyone should protect themselves, and use PREP and condoms together – and/or with other methods of sexually protecting themselves. The basic idea is that it is proper for individuals to make such decisions for themselves.

      Then there’s the “gay community commentators” pushing the idea of bare-backing, and who should bareback, and how come they are not bare-backing, and that sex scenes are “hotter” when they bareback … etc.

      The performers who choose to or not choose to bareback in gay sex scenes are making choices for themselves and their own sexual health, in addition to whatever non-on-screen protections used.

      If certain performers only want to participate in condom only scenes that’s fine – that’s their decision. If certain performers want to participate in bareback scenes that’s fine also, that’s their decision. If certain performers do a mix of condom and non-condom scenes – that’s also fine – that’s their decision. The scene is not hotter with or without condoms – the scene is hot because of the performers involved.

      Our lives have value and it’s worth taking the necessary precautions to protect ourselves. In other messages folks want to talk about stigma, and judgement, and other issues. I’m not referring to any of that – I’m hoping to make one simple point:

      Our lives have value and it is worth taking the necessary precautions to protect ourselves, and to educate and protect others to a certain degree.

  • FrenchBug

    First, he is one of my favorite porn performers and this changes nothing at all – obviously.
    Second, I admire his honesty – particular regarding how he contracted it – and wish him the best.
    Third, there is nothing further thatn really needs to be said about this. I think this video is more about his advocacy work IRL than his porn work. It is very admirable to use his personal story and fame to get people interested in the important issues surrounding sexual health but it is absolutely irrelevant to his porn career.

  • jimboivyo
  • Xzamilloh

    It can’t be easy to come out as positive in the gay porn industry, and for all intents and purposes, it is incredibly responsible of him to put out such a good message and showing that one can have HIV and still have an active and safe sex life. Kudos to him.

    But, get a tripod, bitch :)

  • n24rc

    I blame a lot of the producers and performers who aren’t socially responsible with testing protocols. This guy is at the start of his life and shouldn’t be infected. Period.

    • Tim

      watch the video. he was infected at a party where he had bareback sex with multiple guys. he wasn’t infected on set.

  • Eric

    Wow…that blew me away. I have such admiration and respect for him. That had to be incredibly difficult, but I would imagine his message will have a positive impact on many people. He presents as a very intelligent and classy gentleman with a lot of heart.

  • I’m really appreciating the compassion and un-cynical comments people are leaving. It’s refreshing to see.

    Sending love and support Mr. Gray’s way.

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/88720ce6f376722850962ae230b954168c31eac619199f2a0077cc72d83e408e.gif

    • Nordschleife

      I initially liked this post as it’s the first that I saw but as I continued to read I saw some judgemental and less compassionate comments so I had to take my like away.

      Unfortunately judgment towards people for any and everything will never die and that is sad.

    • Maximus

      “With the obvious exception of Maximus, whose cynicism is a given.”

  • WhimsyCotton

    Interesting video. Insightful and very honest. I don’t pity him, but I certainly think it’s unfortunate that he had to go through that experience. It’s good to see him use his name and experience to try to help others.

  • Tim

    Glad to see him be open and honest about it.

    Also good to know he still is working in the industry and staying healthy and happy, even if this, logically, of course, limits both his reach (Mindgeek is sure unlikely to hire him for instance) and the types of content I can safely expect to see from him. I wish more positive performers would either come out or stay in the industry (Rod Daily comes to mind).

    HIV is an illness. There is no one and nothing to blame here but the virus. I’m glad he’s doing the work he’s doing. He has always been a top notch performer and how little we hear about other stuff speaks to a decent head on his shoulders.

    I hope to see more of his work, and will have to go looking for it in places I don’t usually look, probably. I’d not put the effort into it because of my stated preferences. And if I’m ever in the UK, I might just have to look him up and take him out for a drink (even if it does cost me a couple hundred bucks extra to do so).

  • DrunkEnough

    I love this guy and this makes me love him even more.

  • Maximus

    That’s great and all, but the fact of the matter is that because of his reckless decision making, an incurable life-altering virus has one more host. An increase in HIV prevalence increases the risk of infection for other members of society. Furthermore, the treatment costs add to health care expenditures, which means either higher health insurance premiums for the entire pool, or more allocation of taxpayer funds that could have been spent elsewhere. Gray’s actions have done harm to his society.

    The question is how does society assert its values by expressing an appropriate amount of disapproval without contributing to the stigma that discourages more people from getting tested for HIV and being honest about their status. Is all forgiven so long as an apology is made? Are the adverse effects of HIV stigma worse than the effects of allowing dangerous, selfish behavior to go uncriticized?

    • TK

      His “HIV is not that bad” message would have been less muddled if he included some comments about how much medications cost, how they aren’t as helpful to some and how it has impacted his day to day life.

      This revelation doesn’t change my opinion of him, still hot as fuck.

      • Goodboy

        If he’s from the UK then they’re free.

      • Dazzer

        He lives in the UK. Because being HIV+ is a chronic condition, he is covered by the National Health System and his prescriptions are free (at the point of service). As is all his medical treatment.

        I’m not making any particular political point here, but I’m a lot older than Kayden Gray and have spent many more years talking to Americans about their incredibly bizarre and expensive medical system. From his point of view, Mr Gray probably thinks the US system is infinitely more confusing and muddled than the British system.

        That said, I totally agree that he’s hot as fuck.

    • Goodboy

      I believe he’s from the UK so it would be covered under their national healthcare. Second why do we need to judge and stigmatize him? Do you take that approach to diabetes or heart disease as well or is it just reserved for sex diseases?

      • Pertinax

        No one gets diabetes or heart disease being promiscuous or using drugs without asepsis, HIV implies a moral issue.

        • Goodboy

          Morals are subjective. I’m sure I can find plenty of people who find your life immoral. Don’t worry though. I won’t judge you.

        • “HIV implies a moral issue.”

          This is such a messed up thing to say.

          Shame on you.

          • Pertinax

            Sure because the majority of HIV+ people get it at the manicure…

          • This “logic” is the same “logic” homophobic people use claiming God created AIDS to punish gay people.

            If you aren’t embarrassed by the things you’re saying, I am embarrassed for you.

          • WhimsyCotton

            Technically, it isn’t the same logic. Religious zealots implied God made HIV/AIDS to punish homosexuals for being homosexuals – this was despite the individuals sexual proclivities.

            Pertinax’s logic is that you don’t get acquire HIV by just being an average Joe. For example, Kayden went out of his way to have risky sex with various men knowing full-well the possible repercussions for such behavior.

            See the difference? One admonishes an unchanging trait (sexual orientation); the other admonishes a chosen lifestyle (enjoying unprotected casual encounters).

          • I completely disagree. And this further perpetuates the dangerous, ignorant misconceptions about HIV that you have to be “promiscuous” to contract the virus. You don’t . People can and do contract HIV in monogamous relationships from viruses that have gone undetected, and people can and do contract the virus from long-term, seemingly trustworthy relationships. You can be an “average Joe” and contract HIV, and it is dangerous for you to pretend otherwise.

            You are wrong that this “logic” and the bigoted “logic” listed above are somehow incomparable. They are two fallacies born from the same ignorance.

          • WhimsyCotton

            You don’t have to be promiscuous. You can have a promiscuous partner who lies to you. You can be a needle user. You can be a victim of rape. You can be the victim of a broken condom. You can be a victim of a freak accident where you receive infected blood or somehow come into contact with the virus. All of those are possibilities. That said, most HIV positive individuals in the West acquire HIV via risky sexual encounters. You know this. I know this. Anyone who’s ever read the statistics knows this.

            My “average Joe” comment refers to guys who have occasional sex and are responsible enough to protect themselves like their straight equivalents who are responsible enough not to get a girl knocked up by falling for the “I’m on the pill” line.

            Facts and figures aren’t bigotry. Religious zealots use bigotry not facts. That’s the difference. I’m sorry you disagree.

          • You failed to mention, at any point, how any of that demonstrates HIV+ = immoral. That is the bigotry. And I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of it but wanted to play devil’s advocate for some reason that still hasn’t been made clear.

            Telling people who are HIV+ that they are immoral is bigotry. It was a bigoted comment. And it’s still a bigoted comment.

            And I’ll save you the trouble. You’ll say, “But I didn’t say that comment! I’m only defending the parts of the comment I personally agree with! I don’t think HIV+ people are immoral!”

            To which I’ll reply, “Then what are we still doing talking about this?”

            Sound about right? I don’t think you and I disagree on anything. There’s really no reason to go back and forth.

          • WhimsyCotton

            First of all, he never said they are immoral. He said having HIV implies a moral issue. You are the one extrapolating your own conclusion from that.

            My first comment addressed his logic. My second comment addressed the reply you left me. I was no longer even considering “morality.”

            I don’t consider promiscuity immoral. I do consider lying about one’s status (from a different comment thread) immoral. And yes, I agree with you, there’s nothing immoral about simply having HIV.

          • “First of all, he never said they are immoral. He said having HIV implies a moral issue. You are the one extrapolating your own conclusion from that.”

            Oh for goodness sake. I don’t think it’s possible to have a rational conversation.

            And please skip the straw mans. You are well aware of the fact that lying about one’s status has nothing to do with this conversation.

          • WhimsyCotton

            I guess we will. I don’t have the memory span to continue the argument properly anyway.

          • Goodboy

            Your logic is shit. People acquire HIV many different ways. Besides what is you stupid point besides being a complete jackass?

          • WhimsyCotton

            Hmm… Let’s see, I was explaining the OP’s logic – something he already agree with me on. Don’t know how I come into this, but I will say:
            https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/5ce61fe6ebb81f18527ab17997ed62e31b45b8635216da57ac9ea2ea1514d711.gif

        • Nate

          Gluttony is a deadly sin either. Where are the moral issues here?

          • Pertinax

            If I understood what you are trying to say : ” Gluttony is the direct cause of diabetes “, so diabetes is due to lack of ” morals ” : Gluttony ( a vice ). Although I don’t think fat is the major cause of diabetes, but genetics, both of us agree in this statement : Gluttony and HIV are moral issues.

          • Nate

            If course they are to some individual people – not for others. But we tried to address public health, drug abuse etc. issues through moral issues, prudery, repression etc. for decades with very little to no success. So this strategy is just very clearly not working. I’d rather stick to strategies that are solving the problem.

        • Pinko of the Grange

          Who’s morals?

        • beefcupcake

          You are one ignorant ass motherfucker. It’s all a matter of luck. Nobody deserves it, not even the nastiest hoe you know.

    • Nate

      Well this is what we call solidarity. Lots if not most of illnesses and diseases are caused or contracted by “reckless” decisions e.g. malnutrition. Of course this needs to be discussed but I don’t think shaming and criticizing helps much. Where do you draw the line?
      The best way to fight HIV is to get rid of the stigma, to have all people contracted with HIV taking their medicine, being undetectable and therefore stop spreading the disease. This is most efficiently achieved by getting rid of primo infection. Therefore every April the Swiss AIDS aid is creating events with free testing such that as many people as possible get to know their status and can get on medication if required.

      • Maximus

        I think you’re correct. Moral judgment seems to be counterproductive when it comes to people who contracted HIV and other STIs due to reckless behavior.

        • Nate

          Well you can be the cynical bith about it but in fact this was at least a strategy taken for almost 20 year with very little success. So reconsider, darling.

          • Maximus

            …I’m agreeing with you, dear. There must be some middle ground between ostracizing and giving people carte blanche to spread infectious diseases. It probably involves a frank dicussion of sexual ethics, coupled with forgiveness and a focus on getting positive individuals on antiretrovirals. Comprehensive sex education and easy access to condoms are arguably also important preventions.

    • Paul J

      Kaden’s video is the best response to your mean spirited comment. Saying look what happened to me and the serious psychological and physical effects it had on him is far more likely to cut through to young men taking risks than any amount of moralising, finger wagging instructions always to wear a condom and live in monogamous, married bliss . Publicising his status and experiences, at some risk of damage to his livelihood, seems to me to be selfless not selfish. Kaden should be congratulated, not condemned. As he says, it only takes one mistake, one time when you are drunk or carried away and condemning anyone for such a lapse is unhelpful.

      • Maximus

        Oh yes, it’s so mean-spirited to condemn egocentricism and uninhibited hedonism. How dare I express disapproval of bareback sex parties? People should be free to do all kinds of stupid shit that makes the world more dangerous for others, and nobody else should be allowed to voice even the slightest objection.

        As I said in my response to Nate, there’s a middle ground between “You’re an evil monster, and we’re banishing you from society” and “Oh sure, do whatever you want, and don’t give any thought to the public health consequences.” Furthermore, disapproval and forgiveness are not mutually exclusive. I can both condemn Gray’s choices that led to his being infected and also applaud the actions he has taken since discovering his status.

        • Paul J

          You weren’t expressing disapproval of bareback sex parties, you were condemning Kaden Gray for contracting HIV, so increasing “the risk of infection for other members of society” and adding “to health care expenditures” because of his “reckless decision making”. It seems we are back to “innocent” HIV victims and those to blame through their “reckless behaviour”. And yes, it is mean spirited and unfair. Kaden Gray wasn’t advocating participating in bareback sex orgies; he made a mistake. I don’t think he deserves condemnation for that.

          • Maximus

            Of course there’s a distinction to be made here. You can’t reasonably purport a moral equivalence between somebody who contracted HIV through no fault of their own—e.g., receiving a contaminated blood infusion or being the victim of rape—and somebody who chose, to use Gray’s own word, “fun” over safer sex practices. It was a douche move for him to have done so. Acknowledging that fact does not preclude forgiveness and a subsequent shifting of focus to keeping Gray healthy and preventing additional transmissions.

          • Paul J

            Talking about morality in relation to the transmission of disease is ridiculous. You are lining yourself up with those people who’d condemn someone who contracted HIV through a condom breaking, because anal sex is “risky”. Is playing sports immoral, because that risks injury? How about the morality of people who drink themselves to death? I find its better not to go around condemning other people for their weaknesses.

          • Maximus

            If you can’t see the difference in culpability between intentionally disregarding established high risk—medical professionals have deemed unprotected anal intercourse as putting participants at a very high risk of STI transmission—and an unintentional mishap, then there’s nothing I can do for you.

          • Paul J

            You’re missing the point. I suspect wilfully.

    • DrunkEnough

      “The question is how can I judge him without coming off like an asshole?” Answer: You didn’t.

      • Maximus

        Of course I’m judging him. I’m also currently judging you. I’ve never denied the fact that I’m a judgmental, critical, cynical, misanthropic cunt. However, merely forming an opinion does not make that opinion invalid or unjustified. Going to a bareback sex party was a stupid, selfish choice; people shouldn’t do that. Now that that’s been established, we can move on to other matters.

  • James Johnson III

    This takes so much courage. I’m a little surprised that he is still in the business but he really shows strength to be this open and honest. Hopefully this helps educate the fans who watch and follow him

  • Pertinax

    Porn and prostitution is all about enjoyment even when there is none in its making. It’s a case where what you see isn’t what it is in reality. It’s like a parallel universe where the everyday problems don’t exist, everybody is happy, careless and healthy …I never new about a prostitute that being sad and depressed could succed and grab the John’s money : An unhappy prostitute doesn’t get clients easily. What he did goes against the porn logic : Knowing that porn performers and prostitutes put themselves as commodities on sale, when you as a prostitute states that you have a condition it’s like a shopkeeper that is sellimg damaged goods…

  • sanfv

    Three years ago PreP existed. I am constantly shocked at the level of HIV infections all over the “developed world”. A student once showed me their grindr profile (SF Bay Area) and the amount of young (18-20) men having “POZ undetectable” on their profile is shocking. I know STRUT in the Castro doing as much work as they can to get people free Prep because its becoming a serious issue. Should more models, actors come out with their status, it is paramount that they push condoms and prep at all costs. I cannot tell you the amount of young queers going around thinking that they are immune because “all the older guys are on prep anyway”.

    Videos like there are important because they highlight that people can (and do) get infected in a one time scenario kinda deal. Just like straight folks think a one time thing doesnt result in a pregnancy.

    Please get tested,
    Please get on Prep.
    Please ask your partners about their status.

    There are many resources available if you dont have insurance, are undocumented, limited amount of english, etc. There are many advocacy groups that want to help you.

    • FrenchBug

      Unfortunately, PrEP was not and is still not available in England where Kayden lives as the NHS refuses to provide it at this time.

  • NG212

    I’ve always been a fan of Kayden’s — since he first joined the industry. But I had no idea that he was such a thoughtful, warm, tender person.

    In an era of idiotic gay porn actors spouting drivel in YouTube videos, it’s amazing to see a performer with a beautiful message, delivered with such heart and vulnerability.

    This is a reminder that we have to treat one another better. Those with HIV don’t deserve to be shamed or ostracized, and I say that as someone who used to judge those with the illness.

    Hate the disease, not the people who have it. In the wrong situation, it could be any of us.

    Kayden, you are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside. I’m sure positive people are grateful you had the courage to stand up for them. And I know negative people are floored that you somehow just got even sexier.

  • Edward

    We applaud them for being open and honest. We shun them for staying quiet about their status. This community can be so wishy/washy at times. Ugh.

  • danny

    I like his honesty and his not sugar-coating or blaming everyone but himself. I hope that other guys who say it will never happen to them, realize that it can and does. I wish him continued good health.

  • They didn’t say PrEP prevents HIV. That’s why they suggested getting tested and asking partners about their status.

    PrEP does reduce the probability of transmission, which is why it is wise to be on it.

    • Zealot

      I appreciate and applaud sanfv, FrenchBug, Jace and jhtravus saying something I wasn’t able to express well in a planned comment to this post– so a big thank you to you guys for this comment thread. It’s not shaming to say that this community has decidedly not done a great job at upholding the practices we know will significantly reduce the spread of HIV and other STIs among ourselves. Those being consistent use of condoms and safer sex practices, including not sharing bodily fluids, and now of course PrEp. Saying this totally without shaming Kaden or anyone, but with the exception of PrEp, we’ve known about these things for decades. So why are there so many new infections? And why isn’t anyone more concerned about men on PrEp who are sero-converting? I fear we’re in for another huge uptick in HIV and we’ve already seen drug resistant STIs becoming a very big health concern. I love sex as much as the next guy, but I love life and my health too. And as a diabetic, I know what it’s like to be dependent on medications to remain at a certain level of health. So, having said that I don’t know why, just because HIV is considered a manageable health condition that it’s still considered acceptable to ignore use of condoms and safer sex practices as viable means to sustain good sexual and physical health. When did those precautions become so taboo and unworthy? And I cannot help but look at the gay sex producers who have slowly abandoned condom usage in their product. In my mind they do not get a pass for their portrayal of condoms (even if by omission) as unnecessary or undesirable. And seeing posts on other gay porn reporting sites about after parties and private sex shows after award shows and the like where condom use is non-existent is in my mind irresponsible. This community is acting in some ways like spoiled bratty children who liken safer sex practices with not wanting to ear our veggies. I know I’m an old fart but I care about this community and it’s difficult to watch so many young vital members of it dance on the razor’s edge and then expect no recriminations about it. I love Kaden as a performer and wish this hadn’t happened to him. It didn’t have to, and saying that it shouldn’t have is in no way judging him. He’s made his own choices and is the person who lives with the consequences. I just wish he would include in his post-infection work discussion about condom use along with getting tested and discussing your status with your partners. The last part of that equation is being ignored in my opinion. And it deserves just as much consideration as the others.

      • Agreed. I hope what you said is something everyone can agree on. Our lives have value and it’s worth taking the necessary precautions to protect ourselves.

        The fact is that no matter how much we would like to trust the people we have sex with, it is ultimately our responsibility to be safe. Should 100% honesty be expected from sexual partners and trust in the fact that they will disclose their status before having sex? Of course. But is this always the reality of what happens? Unfortunately, no. And in some cases, they might not even know they’re carrying the virus, themselves.

        And lastly, a couple of things need to stop:

        1. My generation (millennials) need to stop shrugging off HIV and AIDS as a thing of the past. Too many great people lost their lives for us to disregard the precautions we’re lucky enough to have today.

        and

        2. People in our own community (like in this very comments section) need to stop referring to individuals who are HIV+ as “immoral”. The ignorance of this kind of judgment is unreal.

        • Zealot

          Thanks man. That is all so very true. I lost too many dear, sweet, treasured friends to this in the early years to ever think of anyone who is HIV+ as anything bad or shameful. Doing so doesn’t help to accomplish our goal to beat this disease and other STIs into oblivion. Our community must be proactive and educate ourselves and be smart about this– almost like a two-pronged offense: prevention and programs for those who are HIV+. And this strategy shouldn’t just apply to HIV, but to all STIs which are on the rise in our community as well.

  • John

    He is so strikingly handsome and utterly charming and you can tell that he is highly intelligent and eloquent. He qives voice to many things that need to be said and I hope continues to grace us with his performances. You need to watch it to the end. It is so nice to see someone who is totally genuine in an often shallow industry. I envy those who get to spend time with him in person.

  • Nordschleife

    Well I am really happy that he is able to live in his truth. It takes a lot courage to face people who automatically judge you for any and everything. He gets love from me.

  • GuruMike

    Good for him. He’s adorable.

  • meduel

    kayden…i love you for your words!!! you’re wonderful for your honesty!

  • BLACKjHAMMER

    Kayden all that I am going to say is best of luck and GOD BLESS !!!

  • yamiter

    So is that why he doesn’t bottom on camera anymore?

    • FrenchBug

      Why would that be?

  • Dazzer

    That was a sweet and lovely and heartfelt piece of soul-baring.

    More power to you for taking your courage to the sticking place and deciding to reveal that part of your life. I’m glad you exist, Sir.

    Also your charity, Impulse London, is doing good work. I might not agree with all of it – but that’s probably because I’m old, rather than understanding the way the gay scene works these days in London. I know people who’ve worked with Impulse and they speak highly of it.

    So, all round, thank you for making this video Mr Gray. It was an honorable thing for you to do and it’ll make people’s lives better rather than worse.

    You’re a good fellow, Kayden, never forget that.

    • FrenchBug

      I think what matters with groups with Impulse London is that the most effective way to combat HIV is to have many ways of combating HIV. It is important that the fact one might not understand or even “approve” of the choices others make does not mean we need to condemn them to HIV. What they do would not work on you and I am not their target either but if among the people on the London scene, lives can be saved, I am all for it.
      Harm Reduction works and saves lives. Doctors and social workers and HIV counselors are not here to tell people how to live their lives: we present the information, access to the tools to protect themselves and people choose what level of risk they want to incur.
      Some people are not even comfortable with the infinitesimal risk of unprotected oral sex while others are comfortable topping bareback. I don’t have to understand or “agree” with their choices to make sure that whatever they do, we reduce the risk for them and others.

      • Dazzer

        Completely and utterly agree with you.

        I lived through the AIDS plague in London in the ’80s, so I’m pretty stuck in my ways. But that doesn’t mean I think I’m the only person who is right in the room. In fact, I’d be horrified if there weren’t better qualified to lead and teach me these days.

        The people I know who’ve worked with Impulse London have spoken highly of it. They believe that it’s doing the right thing in the right way.

        I’ve basically sworn off the London gay scene these days – except for gay or gay-friendly pubs where the emphasis is on the local community and people building up relationships rather than getting drunk and picking up whoever is available at the end of the night.

        If I came across as judgmental or condemnatory to you or anyone else who read my comment – I apologise unreservedly. It’s the cack-handed way I wrote my comment rather than the way I wanted my idea to come across. So, sorry.

        • FrenchBug

          No. I understood what you were saying but that’s why I wanted to redirect it in a direction I knew we’d both agree on 😉

  • Who what where when how…

    no stigma!!!

  • mrPam Gaypornmama

    I love you so much Kayden Gray!!! Thank you for this beautiful video. I’m so proud of the work your doing with Impulse London. I know how much the organization means to you and how much it has influenced your life in a positive way. You are truly one of my favorite people in the industry, both on and off the set and I’m thankful to have you in my life. Keep living your truth and sharing your love and knowledge with the world. I’m proud of you baby! You’re way more than a fuckin insanely hot power top with a huge gorgeous dick that I want to mold and worship on my mantle! For reals, you rock. I love you soooo much!!!
    #WeAreAllClean #PrEP #Guyspotting #pornLife #LOVES

  • johnn

    i was diagnosed with hepatitis b 3 yrs ago. i was devastated. i never ever bb’d in my life . i thought i was doin everything right. obviously i was not i fucked up, its no ones fault but my own, but i have not had sex since i get close but i just cant. i’m terrified of sex anymore. this has to be horrible for him, hes a lot braver than i am, ive never told anyone i just couldnt especially family or friends. i had the most fun anyone could have had sex wise but i guess i never wanted to believe that everything in life comes with a price.

    • Dazzer

      What you have is a disease – not a moral judgment from God.

      If you have never smoked a cigarette in your life, but contract lung cancer from second-hand smoke, what you have is a disease (an increasingly treatable disease if you catch it early enough), all you have is a disease.

      If you were having great sex in the past, there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t continue to have magnificent sex in the future. What you need is not concepts of morality, but education on how to have safer sex. This is available online even if it’s not available in your community.

      You don’t have to tell your friends and family about your medical condition until such a time as you feel strong enough and want to.

      I fell off a roof and it nearly crippled me.

      But what cured me of all the insecurity that comes with having a broken body wasn’t just the medicines and physiotherapy – it was understanding that I didn’t give a fuck whether or not people thought I walked funny. From the moment I decided I didn’t care what other people thought, I was confident enough to walk as I needed to. And then my walking and movement got better.

      Just because you have a disease, don’t reject yourself because you are rejecting the disease. It’s a part of you now. It sucks, but it’s there.

      Accept that and you then accept yourself. Do that and you can go back to having mind-blowingly good sex – and then get reasonably pissed off about every other aspect of life that pisses all of us off.

  • JohnJacobJingle

    Glad the kid was outwardly honest about this. That takes some balls.

    Let’s just hope he doesn’t continue down a destructive path the way a guy like Mason Wyler does: Still barebacking, still not being up front about his status on hookup apps. He’s a timebomb.

  • SpaceBadge

    Honestly, every time I hear of gays becoming HIV positive, I can’t help but shake my head. Deep down, though. I know he could be me. I don’t know what to feel. This man here seems like a nice guy. Like someone that could be living a life, a normal life…but somewhere, he losses his track and becomes HIV infected. No, HIV isn’t a death sentence, but FFS this disease affects our community like crazy. It’s just so disappointing to hear that yet another gay became a statistic. I’m sorry, it’s just what I think. I don’t think any less of him. He’ll live a long life. I might die before him, but still…I just wish this disease would stop.