Likely Worst Oscars In History Adds Even More Random Presenters

Posted March 21, 2022 by with 26 comments

I rightfully called last year’s Oscars telecast the worst Oscars of all time, but it looks like this year’s ceremony will miraculously be even worse. In addition to the disgraceful and clueless decision to eliminate presentations of eight different awards during the show (thus further alienating film lovers, who are the only people who actually watch the fucking Oscars), now producers have announced a new list of presenters who’ll be taking the stage Sunday night. This all but guarantees it’ll be the most disastrous and embarrassingly bad (not to mention flat out boring) Oscars in history, proving that producers truly have no idea what they’re doing. The list, via GoldDerby:

Oscars producer Will Packer and his team announced the 10 newest presenters on Monday. Stephanie Beatriz, DJ Khaled, Jennifer Garner, H.E.R., Tiffany Haddish, Tony Hawk, Bill Murray, Elliot Page, Kelly Slater and Shaun White will be taking the stage for the 2022 Oscars at Sunday’s ceremony. H.E.R. is the reigning champ for Best Original Song, while Murray and Page are previous acting nominees.

Other than Murray and Page (and H.E.R., given she won last year), none of the others belong on the stage. No idea who Beatriz is, I thought Haddish was in jail, and then three random guys from sports? Who is the audience for this? Schizophrenic people in mental hospitals who randomly clicked the TV remote and ended up on ABC? More:

The Oscars Twitter account last week mentioned tributes to “The Godfather” 50th anniversary and the James Bond 60th anniversary. Plus, there will be a first-ever live performance of the smash hit “We Need to Talk About Bruno” from Encanto.

That’ll get in new viewers, a tribute to a movie from 50 years ago. Also, the “first-ever” performance of a song no one has ever heard of? Riveting.

Here’s the full list of presenters (so far), which is about 50% decent. I’ve put some notes next to names that don’t make sense.

Halle Bailey (who?)
Stephanie Beatriz (who?)
Ruth E. Carter
Sean “Diddy” Combs (why?)
Kevin Costner
Jamie Lee Curtis
Lady Gaga
Jennifer Garner (when was her last movie or TV show?)
Tiffany Haddish (her most recent claim to fame is a DUI arrest)
Woody Harrelson
Tony Hawk (why?)
Anthony Hopkins
Samuel L. Jackson
Lily James (who?)
Daniel Kaluuya
DJ Khaled (jesus fucking christ, what in the fucking fuck)
Zoe Kravitz
Mila Kunis
John Leguizamo
Simu Liu
Rami Malek (can’t stand him, but at least he’s an Oscar winner)
Frances McDormand
Shawn Mendes (why?)
Bill Murray
Lupita Nyong’o
Elliot Page
Rosie Perez
Tyler Perry
Chris Rock
Tracee Ellis Ross (likable TV star, but why is she here?)
Naomi Scott (who?)
Kelly Slater (why?)
Wesley Snipes (I thought he was in jail? at least he was once a big movie star)
Uma Thurman
John Travolta
Yuh-Jung Youn
Shaun White (why?)

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