Billy Santoro: “I’m An Alcoholic”

Posted May 29, 2015 by with 97 comments

billyEarlier this week, there was some confusion surrounding a (now deleted) tweet that seemed to indicate that husbands Billy and Seth Santoro were having relationship problems. Now, gay porn star Billy Santoro is going on the record (video via Tumblr) to explain what happened this week, and what’s been happening in his life for the last two years:

Admitting an addiction to yourself and your loved ones is never easy. Admitting it to the entire world in a video is something else entirely, and you have to respect Billy’s courage here. Best of luck to him and Seth as they work through this together.

 

  • Entropyguy

    Best of luck to him in his sobriety! I’ve been clean for five years now and it’s one of the most difficult and rewarding things I’ve ever done.

  • FrenchBug

    I think this is the first time I have ever watched a “serious” porn-star-talking-to-the-camera video. Nothing snarky to say here.
    All my respect to BS and thoughts to SS. That the latter persevered is romantic in a sad way.
    I am not sure they can continue working in the porn and personal appearance field if Billy’s recovery is to take but I wish them luck.

    • Entropyguy

      It’s possible if they surround themselves with the right people, and stay close to their support network. Of course having to go to parties with free-flowing booze makes for an added difficulty, but there are people in the industry in recovery. That said, taking a hiatus might be a good idea until his recovery is on a surer footing.

      • n24rc
        • GN

          Unfortunately, I share your pessimism about addiction and the porn industry. If you have an addiction and are truly interested in getting better, get out of porn immediately, no if, and’s or buts. The industry is littered with suicides and overdoses.

          • Jerome

            So is dentistry, teaching, commercial piloting… Porn is not “special” and it doesn’t stand out in any imagines league table of professions most susceptible to addiction.

          • n24rc

            The three you give, are not actually in the highest ranking professions with addiction. This is published fact. Get them right:

            Arts/Entertainment/Sports(this includes porn) is ranked third. So yes, it is a difficult. As someone is always offering you something – and sees you as a target as a public figure/persona.

            Construction is second.

            Service industry is number one.

  • TK

    The industry is not friendly to recovery. I don’t mean the people (not all of them at least), I just mean the atmosphere. Does Billy have a second career that he could fall back on if he has to step away from adult entertainment?

    • Mike Julius

      I hope so because you’re right. I hope he’s found a good program and a competent sponsor.

    • n24rc

      He went to school for Business. I’m assuming he has mainstream work.

    • THAT guy

      not sure that’s true. Trenton Ducati, Nick Capra, Chichi Larue – all openly in recovery. I think Samuel Colt, too. I’m not in porn but I see just as much drug and alcohol abuse at IML and my company Christmas party as I do at the Grabbys.

      • TK

        I’m not gonna air their laundry by naming names but I know of at least 9 models that tried to sober up while still working in porn and couldn’t do it. When they finally stepped away they were able to pull it together. 2 of them died after several failed attempts at cleaning up.

      • Lacourse

        His recovery would be much easier if he worked for Titan. I don’t know about the other studios, but Titan has a reputation for being quite supportive of their actors. When you work for Titan, it’s all about respect. Can’t say anything about the other studios, but if he was at Titan, his recovery would be all but assured. When you think “recovery,” think TITAN. (And I mean that as a non-insider piece of sh-t.)

        • McM.

          Titan doesn’t work with performers who have done bareback porn.

          Even if that weren’t the case, performers don’t make all their money filming with a studio. They also escort, dance, strip, make club appearances, etc. All of that involves a fast-paced nightlife that TK warned isn’t all that conducive to recovery.

          It may be possible for Billy Santoro to remain in the sex industry, but there has to be a very good reason why. He should do everything he can to take care of himself first, even if that means leaving. Those who appreciate his work should be able to understand and support that.

        • I should really know better

          well of course… Trenton and Nick have both worked for Titan. :)

    • The gay porn industry is very supportive and often the main family most of us have. We watch out for each other and support each other through the ups and downs. I can’t even count how many times I have had beautiful porn stars crying on my shoulder and me telling them its going to be ok.

      Billy – you’re going to be better than ok baby!!!
      ps – there’s a whole group that sneaks out of events early to go to a diner before the partying ‘really’ starts. You can balance a healthy porn life ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • FrenchBug

        Once I am done repressing the eye rolls around the idea that the gay porn industry is one big supportive family, let me point that no one is saying you can’t be a sober porn performer. What we are simply pointing out is that recovery from lifelong addiction is a very very tough path and that it is all the more difficult if your work requires you to be almost all the time surrounded by people consuming alcohol and in places serving, smelling, advertising alcohol.
        It takes a lot of willpower to overcome addiction. Being in that environment makes it even more complicated, at least in those difficult first months where you have to completely rebuild the way you lead your life and learn to resist the temptation – the same reason some people refuse to have alcohol in the house once they go sober.
        I am not sure insisting BS will be fine without any consideration for the way his recovery is going to go is the best way to help him. He might – in the long run. But at the very least it is going to make all the harder right now and some comments are simply pointing out to him that he should think about other options so that his sobriety and saving his relationship be his #1 priority.
        Being falsely cheery about how difficult it is going to be is not helping him. Even assuming I buy the Pollyanna thing you got going on, you won’t be here at every single event he is going to attend. And what happens the day he is without close friends around and he had a tough day and some event attendee go “Come on! One drink won’t hurt!”…
        Why intentionally put yourself in that position when there are so many other happiness/work options out there that would not throw temptation his way on a regular basis?

        • You had some good points until you dissed me for being optimistic about his recovery.
          Sorry, its not my style to be as negative and dreary as you.
          #takesAllKinds

          • FrenchBug

            I am not dissing you for being optimistic. I am dissing you for setting false expectations for him on how easy it will be. Love and friendship and puppies are unfortunately not all it takes. Sometimes being a good friend does require facing the cold hard reality instead of enabling false hopes.
            I have seen many addicts feel ashamed that they are still tempted to use in spite of the support of the loved ones and this shame is often a cause to relapse.

      • n24rc

        She’s referring to the crying, that usually happens on set, with they find a dookie on their dick.

    • n24rc

      Ask one of the hundreds of ex-porn performers, in recovery, if they could have returned. They uniformly say no. “Dean Pheonix” is an addiction councilor now, and left porn entirely.

      • FrenchBug

        Thanks for sharing that last tidbit. Always fun to hear what former porn performers do now.

  • Alan Keddie

    I’d still do the juice head

    • Mike Julius

      Ugh

  • andrew

    Billy, get into an AA Recovery Program. There are hundreds of thousand of people who have overcome addiction through Twelve Step Programs.

    • Zachary Sire

      Did you watch the video? He states that he’s started AA.

      • n24rc

        He has to make sure they can accommodate his issues. I’ve heard the horror stories of some of the sponsors in that program. It’s best if he can find a sponsor who is heterosexual, and female.

        • Entropyguy

          Honestly, the decision to take a sponsor is an incredibly personal one. Some do benefit from an opposite-sex sponsor, while others benefit from a same-sex one. It’s a bit presumptuous to mandate specifics.

          • MikeB

            I agree, unless you have been there it’s foolish for others to suggest anything. There are also plenty of gay 12-step meetings in major cities for those who think it makes a difference. There are even meetings for Seth if he has a need to understand and support Billy.

          • n24rc

            Seth has his own problems to focus on as a partner of a addict and survivor of domestic abuse. He should be in separate treatment to decide if he should even be in a relationship with Billy. They should put the relationship on pause until the underlying issues between them are resolved.

          • MikeB

            That’s pretty much what I meant without going into more detail. The alcoholic and those around him all need help to recover and move on, together or apart.

          • n24rc

            Addiction manifests in multiple ways. He will have to own up to it in his own time as well. Addiction counselors point them out in recovery. His pornographic work(sex work) puts him in a high risk category. That is a fact in numerous studies. HE needs to be in a situation without people enabling his behaviors or permit him to act out sexually as well. His patterns of behaviors are the problem – not the substance itself.

            And yes, it is important to note that addicts sexually act out in numerous ways. Any person who ends up in recovery has a period of adjustment: http://alcoholrehab.com/addiction-recovery/addiction-and-intimacy-sexual-relationships/

      • andrew

        Mea Culpa! I didn’t watch video. Glad to hear he is already in AA. I know it has worked wonders for lots of people.

  • n24rc

    Ugh. Just Take control, and end the cycle of abuse.

    Step 1: Quit porn and Escorting. Now.

    Step 2: Join AA. Get a addiction sponsor. Someone who: a.) isn’t a man, b.) isn’t gay.

    Step 3: Get a couples therapist for domestic abuse. You need sessions apart and together with that person.

    You’ll fail if you don’t do these things, and persist in self destruction at the rate you are going.

  • DPS

    Best wishes to Billy on his recovery. Glad to hear Seth is supportive. What will come to light can be some harsh realities. Wishing them both strength in the days ahead.

  • sxg

    Aww!

    http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x118/regz32/Hugs.gif
    Hope everything works out in the end for you!

  • nodoubtfan

    That definitely took a lot of courage. Best of luck on the recovery, Billy.

  • Eric from Sweden

    Well, he certainly doesn’t look like an alcoholic. I mean, that body of his must be pretty hard to keep in shape if he drinks a lot of alcohol.

    • Nic

      I believe, from ppl I know with this affliction, that it isn’t necessarily about quantity of consumption, but more about the consuming need for it (i.e. self medicating stress etc.). You can very well be an alcoholic and not become a blithering, fall over drunk. Many function so well others don’t see it and the person addicted can deny it.

      • Entropyguy

        Exactly. It’s not about how much you drink, but about the consequences of that drinking.

      • n24rc

        Which why some who quit drinking take up other habits, when they don’t successfully address their problems.

    • n24rc

      Compulsive behaviors are symptoms of addiction. Compulsive exercising(yes it exists!) is a sign depending on the person.

  • Chi Chi LaRue

    I love you Billy! You’re not alone you have family in us. This is your journey and your story and your writing it! I’m so proud I love you Billy! You’re not alone you have family in us. This is your journey and your story and your writing it of you and you inspire me to be better!
    Orlando will be great!
    Keep it up sweetie! You’re a determined bitch and I love it!!!
    Xxxo!
    P.S.

    • n24rc

      Or the next bump of cocaine, depending how she will need you.

      • Chi Chi LaRue

        Boringโ€ฆ So not clever come on you can do better than that!

        • n24rc

          Hey…your rep on Datalounge speaks volumes.

          • TK

            n24rc, should Datalounge EVER be your reference point for judging a person?

          • n24rc

            I was being smarmy. His reputation among porn stars is more neutral, maybe in some instances negative. So he isn’t as bad as some of the others obviously.

            I get annoyed with hearts and kittens posts on addiction.

        • n24rc
          • n24rc

            ok

  • Chi Chi LaRue

    TK
    You’re very wrong about the industry being kind to recovery. There are so many of us that are going through it and we are all there for each other. Performers, studios and directors.
    Recovery is tough in any business.

    • moondoggy

      omg, Chi Chi LaRue! You came to my local gay bar in the early 90s and gave me a video store membership as a prize. I didn’t even know that video store was in my town. I gave it a try, and by the time that one-year membership was up, I had given head to more guys in the booths than I will ever be able to count. Guys always tell me how good I am at servicing, and I can tell them that ChiChi LaRue put me through blowjob graduate school!

      I know that’s not the point of this thread, but I just wanted to say thanks! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • n24rc

      No Shade: Did that contestant from big brother, who sued you, get his case dismissed? I actually thought in that instance you were in the right, and he wasn’t about the mailings.

    • TK

      I said the atmosphere, not the people (for the most part). Do you really think dancing at bars, the overall party atmosphere of the gay community and a fast paced schedule is the best place for a person to do recovery?

      • Dazzer

        TK, there’s no ‘best place’ for anyone to deal with their addictions. There’s only ever the place you are.

        If your job is dancing in bars, then that’s a factor that you – personally – have to factor into your own recovery. If you’re an alcoholic and your job is being in a bar every night, then you have to weigh up the serious and real risks. But once you’ve done that, it doesn’t mean you have to give up your job. It just means you’re realistic about yourself as a human being.

    • Paulo Drussi

      ChiChi, how many models around you have dies from addiction? At the Lucky Horseshoe this past Grabby’s there were drugs everywhere. The models and the fans were openly doing them.

  • Barnaby Gil

    If you or someone you know suffers from sex addiction, here are a few links

    Certified Sex Therapists

    http://www.sexhelp.com/

    12-Step – Sex Addicts Anonymous

    https://saa-recovery.org/

    If 12-step isn’t for you, there is also the Sinclair Method to deal with alcohol problems

    http://thecureforalcoholism.com/

    http://www.thesinclairmethod.com/community/

  • Dazzer

    That was a big four minutes.

    What a brave and admirable man to put that out for everyone to see. I’ll probably never meet or speak to Mr Santoro, but he’s got this anonymous internet commentator’s support and thoughts and hopes for his success.

    On a slight downer here, AA works for some people and not for others. I’d recommend that Mr Santoro also look into whether his health insurance supports something called the Sinclair Method.

    If there’s a strong genetic aspect to his alcoholism, one has to be pragmatic. Once one admits to a problem with alcohol, the ultimate aim has to be to reduce your alcohol consumption. Feeling good about yourself while doing it is an added extra. With the Sinclair Method, you don’t feel particularly good or virtuous about yourself, but you do stop – or massively reduce – your alcohol consumption.

    I’m just throwing this out there.

    Whatever Mr Santoro does, I’m massively impressed by his bravery.

  • Teddy Brynmore

    Does anyone have any experience with alternatives to AA to recommend him? Someone mentioned the Sinclair Method…are there other new medications that are helpful? Wouldn’t the Sinclair Method be helpful in learning to control the drinking especially if you’re going to be doing appearances in bars and be near alcohol as opposed to abstinence? I know AA is the first thing that pops into people’s mind because it’s so saturated our culture, but it seems that there are helpful alternatives, especially if you are not religious. Is there anything wrong with learning to CONTROL your drinking, do you always have to resort to abstinence? I just hate to see people so ridden with guilt and shame, and think these are questions to ask yourself and your support on the path to recovery…

    • fjp

      I am currently on LDN with the N = Naltrexone. LDN is not for the treatment of alcohol dependence but in researching LDN (Low Dose Naltrexone) one always reads about the success of it … some on the forums for LDN have reported after a glass of wine – projectile vomiting and this is on a dose of 4.5 mg while a full dose of Naltrexone is 50 mg.

      From wikipedia: “The main use of naltrexone is for the treatment of alcohol dependence.” Oh, Ok, so I went to the link for The Sinclair Method which uses Naltrexone to help alcoholics control drinking where it is much more successful than total abstinence. – well, that is what the wiki article reports.

      • Dazzer

        I’m currently reading “The Cure for Alcoholism” by Roy Eskapa PhD (BenBella Books, Inc. Dallas, Texas.)

        It pom-pom waves for the Sinclair Method, so I’m not reading it uncritically. I’m taking it slowly and following up on the research sub-notes mentioned and then looking at the research that might show alternative explanations.

        I’ve not finished the book, but thus far I’m impressed by it. Its research and conclusions seem to stand up to critical (and clinical) review.

        I only really brought this up because whereas AA has around a 50 per cent success rate, the Sinclair Method has around a 77 per cent success rate. And given Mr Santoro’s job, he probably needs the odds stacked in his favour.

  • David Ross Jr

    That was very brave of Billy to do. I wish him all da best :)

  • moondoggy

    It’s genuinely confusing to me when pornstars open up like this. They objectify themselves for a living, so even as I sincerely wish him well in his recovery, I can’t just pretend that I don’t notice how good he looks in that tank top. Just being honest.

    • Nic

      I see a person first and foremost, not an objectified sex object…

  • Congrats Billy I know this was tough but one day you will be able to look back and say “Thank God!” I am very proud of you! #KeepItComing #OneDayAtAtime Much love to you and Seth.

  • KC

    And I can see it to. All in his face, skin.

  • Trey LEone

    He hides it really well though, gurl’s skin is flawless!!! Eyebrows on fleek too!!!
    You will be the prettiest one in AA for sure.

    • n24rc

      And I’m sure, to him, that is what counts when you go to the meetings. LMAO.

  • BjorkNut

    Ugh…really. This is bravery? Seriously people… Nope, this is a vapid, selfish, narcissistic ploy for attention. Why can’t people just buck up these days…everything has to be attention seeking. Just go fix yourself and your relationship. Come back when your done. That is all…

    • DPS

      A) He is a “public figure” to those who crave info and updates from him

      B) While attention grabbing is rampant these days, this is one of the steps to recovery. Confess to others because that makes you accountable for backsliding.

      C) He IS giving an indication of fixing himself and should not do it it seclusion. That would only give him a chance to fall and exacerbate the addiction further.

      • n24rc

        I wouldn’t say that this was attention grabbing. He has a problem and recovery requires you acknowledge that problem.

    • Eric D

      Amen

    • Tony161956

      You don’t get it. Admitting you have a problem is is the first step. And admitting to it in public when you are a public figure is indeed brave.

      • BjorkNut

        Oh please elucidate me since you must be the addiction guru. Everyone has to be special these days. It comes down to personal responsibility, if you can’t control yourself around alcohol don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be around it…or better yet…don’t freaking take the drink. People should just shut up and go about there business. And no, this is not bravery…if he truly was brave he would have just dealt with the problem and not invited the public along. Seriously kids these days need to sack it up.

        • Tony161956

          First, let me advise you to seek a program for your apparent anger management problems, old timer. Second, personal responsibility is just one of the aspects to recovery. Third, Billy is admitting to his problem in his way, in a public forum. He doesn’t need you to shame him for doing it a way with which you don’t agree. I lost a sister to alcoholism and she was a secret drinker, going about her business. Lastly, you mean “their business”, not “there business”. Seriously, old cranks like you need to study grammar

          • BjorkNut

            Old timer, old crank…LoL…guess when you have no cogent arguments might as well default to name calling. So, since we are on that road, back it up Queen. Let me give you a lesson in bravery, serving under don’t ask don’t tell and two gulf wars, that son is bravery, not this whiny look at me crap that this washed up hooker is pulling. His Lazik thing didn’t work so now he’s onto another ploy. So, yes I do think what he is doing is attention seeking if he really was serious about fixing himself he would just sack up and do it. And, yes, that type of behavior is worth shaming, but, I guess they don’t make us gays like they used to. Well I’m off to study my grammar in case I further offend any little sensitive, ageist, pantywaists.

          • Tony161956

            Serving your country is commendable and you deserve gratitude, but don’t delude yourself that your bravery somehow trumps the bravery of others. Or that it gives you the authority to judge others’ courage. How do you view the bravery of soldiers who came out during DADT instead of staying in the closet? And, do you suggest that young men (kids as you call them) with PTSD should just “sack it up”? Or are they more examples of “whiny look at me crap”?

  • DPS

    OT briefly I am glad to see Chi Chi has chimed in and not gotten on the hate Zach bandwagon.

  • Todd

    Wishing him well for much success in overcoming his issues. Not easy to become a public face for addiction and recovery. Very brave.

  • Eric D

    Oh wow! Another perk of being gay porn star! Sad…I have said before and I will say it again self love! Learn to love yourself and alcohol, drugs, meaningless sex can’t compare to self love.

  • buckguy

    Addiction is a very difficult thing. Still, I have to wonder if over sharing narcissism isn’t part of it the overall problem. I live in the Santoro’s backyard (i.e., DC) and have no need to think about Seth’s Lasik, Billy’s midlife crisis, etcif I happen to see them on the street or at the store–this all is stuff I’ve learned with very little effort (e.g.,, glancing at headlines online).Getting out of objectifying employment and doing something “real” (it doesn’t have to be socially conscious or anything lofty, even real estate might be an improvement) probably would help.

    • n24rc

      I don’t know about Real Estate. I know many agents that are raging narcissists too. Depends on the zip code.

  • Very beautiful Billy. Thank you for sharing this video, you’re amazing. You can do it! You have cumloads of wonderful people supporting you. You’re very brave and your gaypornmama is proud of you! Club soda with a lime is my favorite event drink…let’s do soda shots next time I see you!!! big hugs & love… mr. Pam

    • n24rc

      EVENTS!!! At that point why don’t you have him over your place to have Diet Sprite?

      • Dazzer

        mr. Pam is dealing with the reality of the situation. If Billy Santoro wants to deal with a problem he’s identified, but still wants to work in the industry, then he’s going to need the support of people like mr. Pam.

        This isn’t rocket science. It’s cold, hard logic – and while mr. Pam comes across as all lovely and snuggly, she’s actually putting forward thought-out common sense and support.

        She’s accepting realities – and reality is the most important thing here. Not just Mr Santoro’s reality of accepting his own personal/biological/psychological problem, but also the reality of the environment he is in.

        If I were in a crisis, I’d like a friend like mr. Pam. Despite her frothy, arty, big-boobed party girl appearance, there’s a finely honed emotional and intellectual intelligence to the woman when it comes to understanding other people’s ‘situations’. And given her success she has in the career she’s in, I suspect that if she’s on your side, when she comes out fighting, she’s going to be a champ.

        If you were in a back-alley fight, you’d want her on your side.

        Unfortunately, (sorry mr. Pam) once she’d taken out all my enemies, gold-star gay me would still ask her if I could motor-boat her boobs. Those puppies look like fun.

        • FrenchBug

          If all it took to overcome addiction was a good friend…

          • Dazzer

            Very true Monsieur. Very true. I was a bit reductive there. But the essential point about us all needing support still holds true.

  • L L

    Keep it up man, it’s not easy to admit to an addiction… just stay positive and keep yourself around positive people. You’ll get through this and come out on top.

  • n24rc
  • John30

    I fuckin love Billy and this saddens me :( I hope he recovers I have a lot of respect for him. Could anyone let me know who’s the bottom with Billy in this scene: http://www.gaypornempire.com/video/hairy-dad-fucking-step-son-7564.html I can’t find it anywhere. Congrats Billy on the move to recovery, it’s a long journey and I wish you only the best xx

  • Joe

    Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?”