Now Lauren Boebert Is Apologizing For Vaping, But Not For Jerking Off Her Boyfriend In Front Of Children During Beetlejuice

Posted September 16, 2023 by with 18 comments


We’ve all known since the beginning of time that those who preach about family values and condemn others for so-called immoral sexual acts are the very people committing those same sexual acts. This is nothing new. It’s always nice, however, to see their hypocrisy on full display while being caught red-handed. Or, in the case of Lauren Boebert, being caught black-and-white handed. This mash-up video is a lot of fun:

I never thought I’d be posting about a Beetlejuice theater production (I didn’t even know the shitty movie—sorry, it’s not a good movie—had been adapted into a musical) three days in a row. I also never thought I’d be posting about a sitting member of congress having her boobs groped while she jerked off her boyfriend in a public place surrounded by children, but here we are. The only thing that could’ve made this a more “American” story is if there had simultaneously been a mass shooting inside the theater. (Perhaps with Boebert’s soon-to-be ex-husband as the shooter!)

MAGA bimbo Lauren Boebert is now “apologizing” (not really) for being a drunk and noisy whore at the Buell Theater last weekend, but this is, of course, only after more security video was leaked showing her vaping and arguing with a pregnant woman, after she had lied and said she wasn’t vaping. Here’s the non-apology apology, in which Boebert blames her behavior on her pending divorce, and says she “fell short of [her] values”:

There’s no mention of how she was masturbating the man next to her as he massaged her breasts, but perhaps her statement went out before she realized that everyone was talking about the jerk off session, not the vaping.

Incidentally, the boyfriend’s name is Quinn Gallagher (sounds like a soap opera name), and he’s the co-owner of a bar in Aspen, Colorado. He’s on the left in the below photo, and while he might be sort of mildly attractive, the fact that he’s dating Lauren Boebert indicates that he’s unfortunately a brain dead douche. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t mind jerking him off while he fondled my titties, but I’m not a member of congress, and I certainly wouldn’t do it in a public place. Especially not at Beetlejuice: The Musical.

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